第98章 THE DEPARTURE(2)

The events of the previous evening had made a great change in her. She now felt older, more experienced, more earnest. A dark shadow had passed over her sun-bright happiness, a dark power had threateningly approached her; the seriousness of life had been suddenly unfolded to her and had brushed off the ether-dust of harmless and joyful peace from her childish soul. The happy child had become a conscious maiden, and new thoughts, new feelings had sprung up within her. The first tears of sorrow had, with a mighty creative power, called all these slumbering blossoms of her heart into existence and activity, and her unconscious feelings had become conscious thoughts.

But what had not happened, what had she not experienced and felt since last evening? First, had not a new happiness broken in upon her, had she not now a name, was she not a princess? Then, had she not achieved a triumph--a triumph in the presence of Corilla? But then, also, how many /desillusions/ had she not experienced in a few hours? How had her heart been cooled by the rich flow of words in Corilla's poesy!

Her whole soul had languished for the acquaintance of a poetess, and she had heard only a rhymed work of art. And then the last terrible event! Why had they wished to murder her? Who were her unknown enemies, and why had she enemies?

"I should have been dead had he not rescued me!" murmured she, and her lovely face was illuminated by a sunny smile. "Yes, without Carlo Ishould have been lost--I have to thank him for my life! Oh," said she then aloud, "to him therefore belongs my existence, and for every joy I am yet capable of feeling I am indebted to him, my friend Carlo! Ah, how shall I ever be able to reward him for all this happiness?"And while she was thus speaking, Count Paulo, pale and silent, stood behind her; she saw him not, and after a pause she continued: "How strange it is! To-day, when I think of him, my heart beats as never before, and I feel in it something like heavenly bliss, and yet at the same time like profound sorrow. Ah, what can it be, and why do I, to-day, think only of him? I could weep because he does not yet come!

How strange it all is, and at the same time how sad! Seems it not that I love Carlo more than any one else, more even than Paulo, who formerly was the dearest to me? How is it now, and am I, then, truly so ungrateful to Paulo?"Count Paulo still stood behind her, pale and silent. A painfully ironic smile flitted over his face, and he thought: "I came to ask a question, and Natalie has already given me the answer before I had time to ask it. Perhaps it is better thus. I have now nothing to ask!"The young maiden became more and more deeply absorbed in her thoughts.

Count Paulo laid his hand lightly upon her shoulder. She was startled, and involuntarily cried, "Carlo!""No, Paulo!" said he, with a melancholy smile, "but at all events a friend, Natalie, though a friend who is about to leave you!""You leave me?" she anxiously exclaimed.

"That means only outwardly, only with my body, never with my soul,"said he, deeply moved. "That, Natalie, will remain with you eternally, that will never leave you--do you hear, never! Always remember this, my charming child, my sweet blossom! Never entertain a doubt of me;and if my voice does not reach you, if you receive no news of me, then think not, 'Paulo has abandoned me!' no; then think only, 'Paulo is dead, but my name was the last to linger upon his lips, and his last sigh was for me!' ""You desert me?" said she, wringing her hands. "What am I, what shall I do, without you? You have been my protector and my reliance, my teacher and my friend! Alas, you were all to me, and I have ever looked up to you as my lord and father."Count Paulo sadly smiled. "Love me always as your father," said he;"while I live you shall never be an orphan, that I swear to you!""And must you go," cried she, clinging to him; "well, then let me go with you! You will be my father--well, I demand my right as your daughter; to accompany her father is a daughter's right.""No," he firmly said, "you must remain while I go; but I go for you, to assure your future power and splendor. Remember this, Princess Natalie, forget it not; and when one day they brand me as a traitor, then say: 'No, he was no traitor, for he loved me!' And now hear what I have yet to say," continued the count, after a pause, while the still weeping Natalie looked up to him through her tears. "But look at me, Natalie--no, not that sad glance, I cannot bear it! Leave me my self-possession and my courage, for I need them! Weep not!"And Natalie, drying her eyes with her long locks, sought to smile.

"I no longer weep," said she, "I listen to you."Paulo placed two sealed letters in her hand.